David Solie

Secrets

Secrets are a powerful form of control, and aging parents may elect to keep them about their health, finances or long term care in an effort to preserve some semblance of choice. The withholding of key information, however, may ultimately…

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Families Are Wired To Erupt

In truth, families are officially  “complex systems” where seemingly minor changes can produce major consequences ar anytime and without warning.   What seemed like a good idea turns out to trigger an exhaustive meltdown.  Now what? Accepting this reality as an…

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Magical Thinking

Feeling overwhelmed, aging parents may turn to magical thinking to deal with their problems. Denying that a problem exists or will simply take care of itself allows them to momentarily defer its emotional burden but not the consequences. Opting to…

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Childhood Matters

The residue of childhood carries with it complex feelings about aging parents that limit objectivity, exaggerate responsibilities and increase emotional vulnerability. This distorted landscape makes it impossible to receive the approval adult children desperately seek from their aging parents in…

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Stuck in the Middle, Part 4

  Time can bring you down, time can bend your knees Time can break your heart, have you begging please, begging please ….Eric Clapton from “Tears in Heaven” Karen could feel her knees bending under the weight of the dilemmas…

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Stuck in the Middle, Part 3

“We sail within a vast sphere, ever drifting in uncertainty, driven from end to end.” –Blaise Pascal Here we go again Karen said to no one in particular.  Three years of pleading, cajoling and yes, threatening her eternally suborn parents…

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Stuck in the Middle, Part 2

  The real voyage of discovery consist not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes…Marcel Proust On one level, middle age seems so obvious.  Youth has officially packed up and left the building, never to return.  Both shocked…

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This is what love looks like…

This is what love looks like across war, sickness, separation and finally death…none of those afflictions of life on earth were a match for the fierce and profound love these two veterans carried in their hearts and in their actions…talk…

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Stuck in the Middle

Thoroughly unprepared we take the step into the afternoon of life Carl Jung     My intentions for a number of years now has been to write a “second book” as a follow up to my first one.  This second…

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Growing Up With Toxic Parents

This quote by Susan Forward from her book Toxic Parents captures the essence of the emotional wound toxic parenting inflicts on children.  Recovery as an adult takes layers of patience and compassion as well as the context of sustained “healthy…

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