Saturday, February 04, 2012

Archive for the ‘Aging in place’ Category

When Am I Going Home From The Nursing Home?

Last Updated on Saturday, 3 April 2010 10:25 Written by David Solie Saturday, 3 April 2010 10:21

This is one of the predictable dilemmas of aging we all wish we could avoid. We can’t. At some point we run out of aging-in-place options and a parent winds up in a place they never wanted to be, a nursing home. It is a painful transition that in most cases is irreversible. But they continue to ask us when they can go home. So how do we respond? How do we help them come to terms with this new reality?

Start with the truth. Tell them the painful truth. Tell that you have run out of options. Their health and care issues requires a new level of support. It’s not what either of you wanted, but it is the new starting point that both of you are going to have to use going forward. You wish it wasn’t so, but it is.

Start with control. Make a working list of all of the choices your parent still retains despite being in a nursing home. Can they choose their own food and when they eat? Can they choose their activities and when they leave the facility on outings? Can they choose pictures to hang, a special chair, music, blankets, and when family and friends can visit? The more ares of control you identify and orchestrate for them to manage, the easier it will be for them to come to terms with the transition.

Start with legacy. Make a working list of the people connected to your parent’s life who can “rise to the occasion” and help with the transition. This could include neighbors, co-workers, friends, clergy, and of course family members. Tell them to come ready with a story, pictures, food, and news. We all want to know our lives make a difference, but when we wind up in a nursing home, it doesn’t seem that way anymore. The more connections you mobilize to interact your parent, the easier it will be for them to come to terms with the transition.

Make ample room for tears. The losses of aging break our hearts and all of us need room to grieve openly. It helps us come to terms with the things we cannot change; it makes room for courage and compassion. Let your parent have his or her feelings and let them see yours. It will provide both of you comfort and deepen your partnership for what lies ahead.

Tags: , , , , , , , ,   |  Posted under Aging in place, Aging Parents  |  No Comments

A Blog Worth Repeating

Last Updated on Saturday, 12 December 2009 04:46 Written by David Solie Monday, 9 November 2009 12:01

Dr. Patrick Roden has a wonderful blog entitled “Aging in Place.” Below is the link to his latest post on September 14, 2009. It will do your heart good…

Successful Aging: A Man Named Pearl.

Tags: , , ,   |  Posted under Aging in place  |  No Comments

Search

David Solie Updates

Sign Up for David Solie Updates

* Required field

*

*

*






Email Marketing by VerticalResponse

Communicate

View David Solie's profile on LinkedIn

Follow David

Follow David on FaceBook Follow on FaceBook
Follow David on Twitter Follow on Twitter
Follow David on LinkedIn Follow on LinkedIn
Follow David's Blog Follow David's Blog

Download Podcasts

Blog-Talk Radio Show

Aging Parents Insights
Radio Show

Aging Parents Insights, hosted by David Solie, is a blog radio show that provide listeners with "new ideas and strategies” for understanding and communicating with aging parents.

Recommended blogs

No Money: No Comment

I was recently asked what to do about aging parents who had little or no savings but refused to discuss any aspect of their “money issue.” It reminded me that our role as adult children is not necessarily about problem solving; it is about compassionate containment. So many of the issues we feel compelled to “fix” have no clear answers. The best we can do is sort out what to accept from what we can actually change. Here was the advice I offered:

The issue of money, like so many other issues in the last phase of life, is about control. The best way to approach it is to reframe money as means of maintaining control. Lack of money takes away control. This link http://www.dsolie.com/articles/reframing.html will take you to an article I authored on “communicating touch choices” that offers a practical strategy for how to do this.

You may also want to consider three strategies that will help you “hedge” your parent’s financial risk:

1. Buy a long term care policy with a two years home care/two years nursing home benefit. This assumes they will cooperative with the process (i.e. signing the applications and answering questions).

2. Start funding a dedicated “side fund” for expenses that a long term care policy will not cover.

3. If you parents own their home, become familiar with how “reverse mortgages work and when they make sense.

Lastly, you need to began discussions with local area agencies on aging to determine what, if any, community resources can assist your parents if they run out of money.

This is a tough end-game, especially if you parents don’t want to talk about. The article will help you frame your conversations. Be patient but persistent in your discussions about control and your desire to help them maintain it.