Archive for the ‘Middle Age Caregivers’ Category
Last Updated on Monday, 11 February 2013 01:38 Written by David Solie Sunday, 31 October 2010 09:45
As boomers approach the outskirts of being old, a new aging dilemma is beginning to emerge: simultaneous developmental phases with their aging parents. It is one thing to be fifty-something and have aging parents in their mid to late seventies. Both parties are clearly situated in separate developmental phases. The fifty-something adult is navigating the tasks of middle age, preserving stability while at the same time orchestrating a new purpose and direction for the second half of life. Their aging parents, on the other hand, have different marching orders, preserving control in a world where all control is being lost while at the same time creating a legacy before time runs out. The challenge is to find an effective middle ground so both parties can successfully complete their developmental tasks. But what happens when adult children enter their late sixties and their aging parents are still alive, where both parties wind up in the last phase of life?
Seniority appears to be the rule of thumb. While adult child in their late sixties are beginning the battle for control and the search for legacy, these developmental needs are usually “put on hold” for the sake of the aging parent. Practicality dictates that both parties cannot be insisting on control as well as the airtime for life review, but the seniority accommodation is not as simple as it sounds.
Developmental needs are first and foremost embedded marching orders, which are involuntary, unconscious, and consumptive. They are background software for life-long human developmental and exert a pressing influence on perception, cognition, and behavior. When two generations share the same developmental zone, a new type of power struggle emerges over whose needs deserve priority. As with all generational conflicts, a middle ground is hard to find and hold.
The best course for adult children caught in this developmental simulcast is to make a selective course correction while their aging parents are still alive. This involves mapping out “control sustaining” strategies for their personal life (i.e. where to live, how to pay for it, how to manage health, how to foster community, etc.) while supporting their aging parent’s need to control their own destiny. It can awkward, confusing, and unsatisfying, but it defuses the unwinnable argument of entitlement. While everyone is entitled to address their developmental needs, in the context of families, this may require delay, compromise, and compassion for those who are going ahead.
Tags: aging parents, Boomers, David Solie, How To Say It To Seniors, Longevity | Posted under Aging Parents, Boomers, Middle Age Caregivers | No Comments
Last Updated on Monday, 11 February 2013 02:14 Written by David Solie Tuesday, 18 November 2008 08:31
Much has been written about the brain issues of aging parents. Less has been written about the brain issues that impact middle age adults. Given that the majority of caregivers of aging parents are middle age, it is important to know how middle age brains are changing and how this impacts the demands of caregiving.
The most significant change in the middle-aged brain is a decrease in “executive function.” Executive function is the hub of multitasking and occurs in the frontal brain. It is responsible for prioritizing and keeping track of long lists of complicated, interconnected transactions. As this capacity begins to wane, it becomes harder and harder for middle-aged adults to keep “everything together.”
Complicating this setback in multitasking capacity is a concurrent decrease in the brain?s “staying on task” function. The impeccable filtering of distractions that comes so easy in youth begins to give way to the irresistible pull of distractions in middle age. The result is that middle-aged adults suffer from a failing attention span. Things get put in the wrong place, scheduling errors increase, “why I did I come in here” moments are more frequent, and “retrieval time” of information slows. This unwelcome and annoying distractibility has qualities that mimic ADD and make it harder and harder for middle-aged adults to “stay on task.”
Both of these brain changes complicate the job of caregiving for middle-aged adults where keeping everything together and staying on task are essential.
What can make this better?
1. Consider a “one-list” system Multiple “to do” lists can lead to disaster. It is more effective to work off a single, dynamic list that is constantly annotated, revised, rewritten, and reviewed. It becomes the focal point of a “keep track of things” system that is always identifying the most important short-term priorities and then quickly repositioning these items to the top of the list.
2. Fight the urge to “binge” multitask Binges of multitasking only exacerbate distractibility and prove inefficient and unhealthful. With the natural tendency of middle age brains to wander or lose their location “threads,” it is better to focus on a the task at hand and “turn off” as many distractions as much as possible (music, cell phone, email dings, etc.).
3. Optimize the continuum Mind-Body health is an interconnected continuum. The simple but powerful things that optimize bodies, optimize brains. Exercise, prayer, music, meditation, writing, dancing, being with friends, healthy food, support groups, and large does of humor open caregiver hearts, and, as importantly, give caregivers the creativity they need to build a new partnership with their middle age brains.
Tags: aging brains, David Solie, How To Say It To Seniors, middle age | Posted under Middle Age Caregivers | 1 Comment
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