Caregiver Lessons

When Someone Deeply Listens To You

  We are all so busy with the perpetual motion of our obligations and mega to-do lists that the thought of slowing down and deeply listening to someone, anyone, is down right painful.  “I don’t have time for this” we…

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Breathing Underwater

We adult children look at aging and say no thanks, not for me, best to keep a safe distance. But aging is patient, biding its time, confident of its purpose. From seemingly nowhere, our safe distance collapses and a new…

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Sometimes winning is no solution…

It’s a long game filled with constant temptations to prove you are right.  The real art of caring for aging parents may be having the insight and discipline to know what to ignore.  Looking back, these will be the moments…

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Avoid Ultimatums

The best way to make sure nothing changes in conversations with aging parents is to give them an ultimatum. It’s good for about 10 seconds of “take charge” pride followed by the long tail of days wishing you had tried…

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The Guiding Question

  It’s easy to get lost in the consumptive ocean of endless transactions that come with caregiving.  There is so much to do all the time that just thinking about it can be exhausting and defeating.  Well intended advice from…

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Childhood Matters

The residue of childhood carries with it complex feelings about aging parents that limit objectivity, exaggerate responsibilities and increase emotional vulnerability. This distorted landscape makes it impossible to receive the approval adult children desperately seek from their aging parents in…

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Sooner or Later: Part 2

And here’s what’s going to happen: 11. Your parents are going to repeat stories you’ve heard a thousand times and test your patience and endurance by telling them another thousand times. Comment: Instead of complaining about how many times you’ve…

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Aging Parents and Money

I was recently asked to write an article as a guest author for the Love & Order website on the ever awkward conversations adult children struggle to have with their aging parents about money issues. I began the article with…

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