Comments on: What I Know Now: Lessons From Looking Back http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/what-i-know-now-lessons-from-looking-back/ Observations and commentary on aging, caregiving, and the complex journey through the second half of life. Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:15:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Sara Stanford http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/what-i-know-now-lessons-from-looking-back/comment-page-1/#comment-317 Sara Stanford Wed, 14 Jan 2009 21:32:02 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=73#comment-317 Many years ago I read a little essay, or poem...of what I can remember, it contained the thought that "I would rather die weeding my flower garden than to die after breaking my hip falling out of a wheelchair that I was tied to in a nursing home." We bought my in-laws (84 & 90) from another state and put them into assisted living a few years ago. They hated it and us...within two years, both had died of dementia and broken hips...we had no choice but to move them as they were a danger to themselves and the neighbors were ready to call the state social services. Now it is my parents and after readng these blogs, I am determined to try and support them in their own home and allow them the freedome of their own decision-making, at the cost of my own guilt! So, unless circumstances are extreme, I will relax and just be with them...thanks. Many years ago I read a little essay, or poem…of what I can remember, it contained the thought that “I would rather die weeding my flower garden than to die after breaking my hip falling out of a wheelchair that I was tied to in a nursing home.” We bought my in-laws (84 & 90) from another state and put them into assisted living a few years ago. They hated it and us…within two years, both had died of dementia and broken hips…we had no choice but to move them as they were a danger to themselves and the neighbors were ready to call the state social services.

Now it is my parents and after readng these blogs, I am determined to try and support them in their own home and allow them the freedome of their own decision-making, at the cost of my own guilt! So, unless circumstances are extreme, I will relax and just be with them…thanks.

]]> By: Ernie del Castillo http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/what-i-know-now-lessons-from-looking-back/comment-page-1/#comment-304 Ernie del Castillo Sat, 03 Jan 2009 20:50:37 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=73#comment-304 My Mother died Yr2002 - at 84 yrs old. She had lived solo independent all her life in her own house until she vomited blood one day in Yr2000 due to an overdose of Arthritis Pain killers - because forgetting her last medication, she kept on self-medicating herself. As the Eldest among Siblings-of-6 (all busy on their own), I took charge of Mother's In-home Healthcare - inclusive of finding 24-hr duty frequently-replaced Caregivers acceptable to Mother; of Visits to Specialist Doctors - and occasional emergency hospitalizations; of going to 3x weekly market; of attending to her monthly Banking needs; etc. To do all of the above, I had to convert a portion of Mother's House into my own HomeOffice - to be "productive" on my own and still be around Mother for any emergency. Looking back, I regret ever loosing temper and shouting at the top of my voice (sometime one late evening in Yr 2001) when Mother kept on firing hard-to-find short-lived Caregivers tolerant with her. I was so tired and stressed-out all-day looking for a new Caregiver-replacement. I felt a pain in my heart - probably, this incident precipitated my own quadruple Heart By-Laws in May 2003. Despite it all, I had teary-eyes when I quickly cradled and tightly hugged Mother somehow hearing her last gasp of air - one April Morning Yr2002. She quietly dosed off to her death in her own bed in her house - as she willed. I was shocked to see her expressionless face - shortly after having been served hot Soup by her Caregiver, who just moments ago, left her bed only to open the gate to allow me in for my usual morning visit. Mother not only gave me life. She taught me to be daring and caring in Life - and to be accepting of any and all situations beyond our control. Mother taught me the value of communication - even in unspoken words. For more of her, visit my blog - http://mymotherinheaven.blogspot.com My Mother died Yr2002 – at 84 yrs old. She had lived solo independent all her life in her own house until she vomited blood one day in Yr2000 due to an overdose of Arthritis Pain killers – because forgetting her last medication, she kept on self-medicating herself. As the Eldest among Siblings-of-6 (all busy on their own), I took charge of Mother’s In-home Healthcare – inclusive of finding 24-hr duty frequently-replaced Caregivers acceptable to Mother; of Visits to Specialist Doctors – and occasional emergency hospitalizations; of going to 3x weekly market; of attending to her monthly Banking needs; etc. To do all of the above, I had to convert a portion of Mother’s House into my own HomeOffice – to be “productive” on my own and still be around Mother for any emergency.

Looking back, I regret ever loosing temper and shouting at the top of my voice (sometime one late evening in Yr 2001) when Mother kept on firing hard-to-find short-lived Caregivers tolerant with her. I was so tired and stressed-out all-day looking for a new Caregiver-replacement. I felt a pain in my heart – probably, this incident precipitated my own quadruple Heart By-Laws in May 2003.

Despite it all, I had teary-eyes when I quickly cradled and tightly hugged Mother somehow hearing her last gasp of air – one April Morning Yr2002. She quietly dosed off to her death in her own bed in her house – as she willed. I was shocked to see her expressionless face – shortly after having been served hot Soup by her Caregiver, who just moments ago, left her bed only to open the gate to allow me in for my usual morning visit.

Mother not only gave me life. She taught me to be daring and caring in Life – and to be accepting of any and all situations beyond our control. Mother taught me the value of communication – even in unspoken words.

For more of her, visit my blog – http://mymotherinheaven.blogspot.com

]]> By: Care Links for Caregivers — SandwichINK.com http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/what-i-know-now-lessons-from-looking-back/comment-page-1/#comment-288 Care Links for Caregivers — SandwichINK.com Sat, 08 Nov 2008 23:06:27 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=73#comment-288 [...] David Solie, an expert in the field of geriatric care and a caregiver himself, has an excellent website with valuable resource links. His article on helping his mother remain at home as long as possible, while dealing with the emotions that entailed, was very interesting and encouraging - http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=73 [...] [...] David Solie, an expert in the field of geriatric care and a caregiver himself, has an excellent website with valuable resource links. His article on helping his mother remain at home as long as possible, while dealing with the emotions that entailed, was very interesting and encouraging – http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=73 [...]

]]> By: Rob McInnes http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/what-i-know-now-lessons-from-looking-back/comment-page-1/#comment-286 Rob McInnes Sun, 02 Nov 2008 20:18:54 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=73#comment-286 My mother and my in-laws are all in their 80's. They live 300 to 1500 miles away. I am very concerned about how they maintain their independence and health. I call my mother every 3 or 4 days to check in with her. During our conversations she spends more time searching for some of her words. She is going blind with macular degeneration but she is still able to take care of herself in her apartment. I appreciate anything that can help keep my aging parents out of the hospital and other expensive situations. My mother and my in-laws are all in their 80’s. They live 300 to 1500 miles away. I am very concerned about how they maintain their independence and health. I call my mother every 3 or 4 days to check in with her. During our conversations she spends more time searching for some of her words. She is going blind with macular degeneration but she is still able to take care of herself in her apartment. I appreciate anything that can help keep my aging parents out of the hospital and other expensive situations.

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