Comments on: When The Bottom Falls Out Mind Map ™ http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/ Observations and commentary on aging, caregiving, and the complex journey through the second half of life. Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:15:34 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9 hourly 1 By: Stormy Knight http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-964 Stormy Knight Wed, 27 Jan 2010 19:15:34 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-964 What a great tool to get focus where it belongs instead of playing games. Thanks! What a great tool to get focus where it belongs instead of playing games. Thanks!

]]> By: Laura Bramly http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-431 Laura Bramly Wed, 15 Jul 2009 04:37:34 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-431 Mary, I've seen what happens when the bottom falls out as it happened to my family. Fortunately they had the financial resources and, living in Canada, the government support and health care, so that we didn't have to deal with many of the issues on David's chart. However, my stepfather had exactly one week to find a nursing home to take my paralyzed mother with dementia. This was from a short list, dictated to him by the local government, of homes that had availability. If they had addressed the "what if's" so clearly illustrated on David's chart, they might have had their name on the waiting list for the home they had REALLY wanted to go to, and had talked about for years, but had never done anything about. Also, my mother refused to get a real diagnosis for her memory loss. We didn't know she was losing her memory due to strokes. Her staunch avoidance of the issue (and wow, your comments sure remind me of her!), in retrospect, led directly to the demise of a lovely, smart woman, my mother. As a result, I've become an advocate for dementia and a militant supporter of early diagnosis, and recommend all families (and yes, this has to come from the kids sometimes) do something I call an "Aging Will." The Aging Will addresses what David has outlined in his chart. Similar to a Living Will, it lays out the wishes of the parents so that when the bottom falls out and everyone is running around in a panic, they can refer to their Aging Will and remember what they had decided back in calmer times. David, with your permission, I'd like to "print" your chart in my blog, http://eldercaretalk.blogspot.com/ Thanks for your great work. Mary, I’ve seen what happens when the bottom falls out as it happened to my family. Fortunately they had the financial resources and, living in Canada, the government support and health care, so that we didn’t have to deal with many of the issues on David’s chart. However, my stepfather had exactly one week to find a nursing home to take my paralyzed mother with dementia. This was from a short list, dictated to him by the local government, of homes that had availability. If they had addressed the “what if’s” so clearly illustrated on David’s chart, they might have had their name on the waiting list for the home they had REALLY wanted to go to, and had talked about for years, but had never done anything about. Also, my mother refused to get a real diagnosis for her memory loss. We didn’t know she was losing her memory due to strokes. Her staunch avoidance of the issue (and wow, your comments sure remind me of her!), in retrospect, led directly to the demise of a lovely, smart woman, my mother. As a result, I’ve become an advocate for dementia and a militant supporter of early diagnosis, and recommend all families (and yes, this has to come from the kids sometimes) do something I call an “Aging Will.” The Aging Will addresses what David has outlined in his chart. Similar to a Living Will, it lays out the wishes of the parents so that when the bottom falls out and everyone is running around in a panic, they can refer to their Aging Will and remember what they had decided back in calmer times.

David, with your permission, I’d like to “print” your chart in my blog, http://eldercaretalk.blogspot.com/

Thanks for your great work.

]]> By: Elna Tymes http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-330 Elna Tymes Fri, 27 Mar 2009 23:20:41 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-330 What a great tool! I'll be using it (with your permission and appropriate attribution) in a presentation I'll be giving in July at a national convention. I talk about dealing with elderly parents a lot, and I find that not only is it difficult to get the older folks to address these issues, but it's equally difficult for their kids to bring up some of these issues. Unfortunately, putting it off till later usually means that these decisions will be made in a time of crisis, when cool heads are harder to find. What a great tool! I’ll be using it (with your permission and appropriate attribution) in a presentation I’ll be giving in July at a national convention. I talk about dealing with elderly parents a lot, and I find that not only is it difficult to get the older folks to address these issues, but it’s equally difficult for their kids to bring up some of these issues. Unfortunately, putting it off till later usually means that these decisions will be made in a time of crisis, when cool heads are harder to find.

]]> By: Edie Dykeman http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-323 Edie Dykeman Tue, 27 Jan 2009 01:43:59 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-323 What a wonderful tool you have created. Too many families wait until the bottom falls out to deal with the myriad problems that arise. This tool gives parents the opportunity to let their children know their wishes, the adult children know what their parents desires are, and everyone can plan ahead for possible family emergencies. This tool allows families to know if they are on the same page or not, and if not, come to some kind of understanding regarding concerns for the future. I see this as a win-win proposition. What a wonderful tool you have created. Too many families wait until the bottom falls out to deal with the myriad problems that arise. This tool gives parents the opportunity to let their children know their wishes, the adult children know what their parents desires are, and everyone can plan ahead for possible family emergencies. This tool allows families to know if they are on the same page or not, and if not, come to some kind of understanding regarding concerns for the future. I see this as a win-win proposition.

]]> By: David Solie http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-320 David Solie Fri, 16 Jan 2009 22:27:42 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-320 I see this as a control issue where older adults are electing to stay put until ?something happens.? There is nothing wrong with this choice, but it is not without consequences. There are a multitude of unanswered questions that will have to be eventually addressed when something does happens. I think its only fair to disclose these questions and their impact of future control issues in the spirit of informed consent. I think it helps older adults gain additional perspective on their choices while at the same time helping adult children accept their parent?s decisions. I see this as a control issue where older adults are electing to stay put until ?something happens.? There is nothing wrong with this choice, but it is not without consequences. There are a multitude of unanswered questions that will have to be eventually addressed when something does happens. I think its only fair to disclose these questions and their impact of future control issues in the spirit of informed consent. I think it helps older adults gain additional perspective on their choices while at the same time helping adult children accept their parent?s decisions.

]]> By: Mary Gergen http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-319 Mary Gergen Fri, 16 Jan 2009 21:35:04 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-319 The "When the Bottom Falls Out Mind Map" .. (trademarked, I see), is tinged with the negativity that so many people use when thinking about others.. THe OLD... Your piece today gives no credit to the older people and places all the power with the children. Why should they insist on this conversation with their elders? And what is so bad about waiting til the bottom falls out? I think you should give the people directly involved more credit. The “When the Bottom Falls Out Mind Map” .. (trademarked, I see), is tinged with the negativity that so many people use when thinking about others.. THe OLD… Your piece today gives no credit to the older people and places all the power with the children. Why should they insist on this conversation with their elders? And what is so bad about waiting til the bottom falls out? I think you should give the people directly involved more credit.

]]> By: jdearing http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-318 jdearing Thu, 15 Jan 2009 11:16:34 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-318 I can't wait to print this out as a resource. Unfortunatley it's too late to use with my little mother as she is past reasoning,moderate Alzheimers or some type of dememtia. Thanks for your post. I can’t wait to print this out as a resource. Unfortunatley it’s too late to use with my little mother as she is past reasoning,moderate Alzheimers or some type of dememtia. Thanks for your post.

]]> By: John Kalb http://www.davidsolie.com/blog/when-things-fall-apart-mind-map-tm/comment-page-1/#comment-316 John Kalb Wed, 14 Jan 2009 18:59:16 +0000 http://www.dsolie.com/blog/?p=86#comment-316 Thanks for posting the map. It's very clear and useful. A nice conversational tool. Thanks for posting the map. It’s very clear and useful. A nice conversational tool.

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