At some point it becomes painfully obvious. Maybe it’s the near misses, another fender bender, traffic tickets, getting lost on errands, poor night vision, or increasing confusion. Whatever the mix of warning signs, the message is clear and deeply concerning. An aging parent is no longer safe to drive, and something has to be done about it. It’s not a question of if, but how.
There’s the rub. For aging parents, the car is more than transportation. It is an icon of independence and self-esteem that’s about to be taken away for good. To make matters worse, the car is emotionally comingled with the developmental need to preserve control. Not surprising, attempts by adult children to direct, persuade, or pressure aging parents to stop driving provokes intense passive or overt resistance. In this environment, messy conversations quickly turn hostile and recriminating. Now what?
This booklet provides new tools for assessing and quantifying unsafe driving concerns. As important, it offers framing and mobilizing resources that will help adult children insure their aging parent remains a safe driver as long as he or she can and heroically stop driving when that is no longer possible.
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This reminds me of our father who is 91 and still drives. We have compromised where he only drives during daylight hours. When we have weekly dinners, one of us (adult children) always picks mom and dad up and takes them home.
We know there will come a day when dad should no longer be driving. We are hoping HE will be the one to finally make that decision. We have occasional chats on the importance of him ‘making that call’ before a bad accident occurs. We’ve said, we don’t want to take his keys, but we have to depend on his decision making skills.
Constantly praying the decision comes first.