Control is the current we ride to the end. Sometimes It’s buried in a dilemma between two unsavory choices and no escape hatch. Sometimes heroic efforts to facilitate control provoke dilemmas we never saw coming.
My point is that control a relative game with confusing priorities, unclear definitions of success, played in the imperfect atmosphere of the earth. What counts are the values you bring to the assignment of the caregiver. They hold the key to your emotional compass when things start to fall apart or seem impossible to manage.
This five-minute video on the control task is a refresher course on the context of the control game in the last phase of life. It reminds us of the vast inventory of things over which we have no control. More importantly, it highlights the vital role our empathy plays in comforting our aging parents.
Thanks for the reminder! When I think about all of the losses that Dad has experienced as he approaches his 99th birthday, it is much easier to feel empathy when he is resistant to our “brilliant ideas”. Your advice has been helpful in so many interactions with Dad. I am also grateful that I recognize when he and I are having a conversation that is helping him work through his legacy. Isolating has allowed much progress in this area.