In the end, caregivers accept the limits of what they can control while making the best of what remains—a shift in focus to one good day at a time.
Honoring the here and now offers a nurturing space for aging parents and adult children filled with family, friends, pets, music, outings, and favorite stories.
This act of love and presence lifts everyone above the unavoidable deficits of life’s final drama, an irreplaceable inventory of special moments providing comfort and gratitude long after they’re gone.
This post isn’t intended for public posting. But I’m sending it anyway, accepting the possibility that my opinions are valid.
David, I’d love to read the rest of this article. I’m really at the place now (especially after my wonderful, wonderful Divine Mercy Sunday–at home). The Holy Spirit visited me and my prayer in tongues (long time gift) went on and on. I was fortunate to have “parking lot” confession yesterday as well (car to car). So the total forgiveness of sin as promised by Jesus on this day has all made for my very best Divine Mercy Sunday ever!
I do enjoy my days with Mom as always; she’s declining slowly but her kindness inspires me. I’m more sympathetic to Dad as I watch him struggle with his declining memory and confusion. I did express to two of my sisters that I’m very tired and that 11 months without a vacation has taken its toll. I would have had three weeks off by now in previous job, as well as 10 holidays and plenty of sick/personal time. One sister is flying up from Houston to help.
I think of you with great gratitude for all I’ve learned and wishing for more time to read more of your materials.
I just bought Cardinal Sarah’s two books: The Power of Silence, and The Day is Now Far Spent. Perfect for this time in our Western Culture, our distance from God.
The Pandemic is bringing people back. I look forward to all legislators recognizing that liquor stores and abortions ought to be low on the list of “essential services”, and that Religious gatherings are more essential.
With gratitude,
Dianne F
The foundational article on this topic a was written in 2014 by Atual Gawande, a surgeon at Brigham and Women’s Hospital, a professor at Harvard, and a staff writer for The New Yorker. Here is the link to the article: https://www.nytimes.com/2014/10/05/opinion/sunday/the-best-possible-day.html?referringSource=articleShare.
Here’s a quote from the article:
“First, in medicine and society, we have failed to recognize that people have priorities that they need us to serve besides just living longer. Second, the best way to learn those priorities is to ask about them. Hence the wide expert agreement that payment systems should enable health professionals to take sufficient time to have such discussions and tune care accordingly.
I also discovered that the discussions most successful clinicians had with patients involved just a few important questions that often unlocked transformative possibilities: (1) What is their understanding of their health or condition? (2) What are their goals if their health worsens? (3) What are their fears? and (4) What are the trade-offs they are willing to make and not willing to make? These discussions must be repeated over time, because people’s answers change. But people can and should insist that others know and respect their priorities.“
I feel it’s a must read for all adult children and aging parents.
Best regards,
David Solie